Healing & reconciliation

Here is today's sermon for St John's based on John 19. 25 - 27:

Jesus is dying in agony as he hangs on the cross. You would think that all his remaining energies and focus would be on himself and his imminent end. That is not the case. The Gospel accounts, taken as a whole, record seven separate statements made by Jesus from the cross, many of which reflect his concern for others instead of concern for himself.

That is the case here, when he sees his mother and “the disciple whom he loved” (traditionally identified as being John) at the foot of the cross. His concern is that both will be bereft following his death and so he specifically gives them one to the other as a support to each other. In this we can see something of the depth of Christ’s love for us as individuals; that even in this moment of personal agony and torture his concern is directed towards the wellbeing of others. In this way, these words and this action are like a little vignette or parable revealing the purpose of his death which is reconciliation and love.

The death of a loved one can, in itself, be a trigger for acts of reconciliation and support within families and wider networks. Where there is a period of illness prior to death, people will gather together to visit their loved one and that person may have specific instructions, advice or encouragement that they wish to share with individuals or the wider family or group. Even where that has not been the case, because death is sudden and unexpected, the funeral can also be a focal point for those who have not been in regular contact with each other to gather.
We see in this story that Jesus has a concern for his family and friends to support each other following his death and his words are designed to facilitate that support. As a direct result of Jesus’ words, Mary comes to live with John. I have been part of funeral arrangements and services where something similar has been the outcome and, on occasion, where these words of Jesus have played a part in creating that understanding.

A death throws into stark relief the need that we all have for support in our lives through our families and friends but we don’t have to wait for a death to occur to take seriously the importance of sustaining those relationships and healing them where they have broken down.
Communion is a regular reminder to us of the death of Christ and, therefore, can also be a moment for that kind of reflection. Jesus made this explicit in his teaching when he said: “if you offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there at the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5. 23 & 24)

A second reflection that emerges from this story is the possibility of being what Henri Nouwen has called being a “wounded healer”. Each of us has areas of weakness, hurt or difficulty in our lives and it is possible for us simply to think of these things in the negative terms that those words imply. However, Jesus’ incarnation and death show us that God accepts and takes on weakness, hurt and difficulty in order to effect healing and reconciliation. If we follow that example, then there is the possibility of a changed understanding for us of those things that we think of as weakness, hurt or difficulty in our own lives and of these becoming points of connection and help for others.

Henri Nouwen says: “a shared pain is no longer paralyzing but mobilizing, when understood as a way to liberation. When we become aware that we do not have to escape our pains, but that we can mobilize them into a common search for life, those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope.”

Many of you know about my own experience of grief both in the death of my younger brother and the recent death of my father. For me, in my ministry, these experiences can help me in understanding and sharing with others who are grieving and, in this way, they can become positive experiences. That is not to say that I stop grieving for my brother and father or that the sense of loss I feel becomes less. It is not that I have in some way ‘recovered’ from grief that means I can minister to others, rather it is the fact that I continue to feel the wound of grief that makes that ministry possible.

The forgiveness and love that we receive from Jesus comes out of his experience of the agony and torture of death. It comes out of the wound of crucifixion and this is why it is of significance that his resurrected body continues to bear the marks of those wounds. We do not need to become perfect in order to be accepted and loved by God nor do we need to recover from weakness, hurt and difficulty in order to minister to others. Sometimes it is the willingness and openness to share our own experience of pain and suffering, not in order to burden another, but as an act of empathy with another that is just the support and healing that that other person needs.

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Emmylou Harris - Here I Am.