Whether she’s mum, mummy, mam or mother, this Mother’s Day we will have been encouraged to find a card or gift to tell our mother just how much we care and love her.
The cards we found on offer will likely have contained messages such as this:
God made a wonderful mother,
A mother who never grows old;
He made her smile of the sunshine,
And He moulded her heart of pure gold;
In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks fair roses you see;
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.
It's a lovely thing to be able to bless and encourage mothers with those kinds of sentiments and messages but what do we do when our mother's haven't met that ideal or haven't been there for us in that way? How do mother's feel about that kind of idealised image being held up for admiration and how do those who haven't had the experience of motherhood feel on Mothering Sunday as a result?
This is a complicated day for many and not necessarily a day of simple celebration. In the Church, some will say, put the focus on Mother Church rather than human mothers but, if, for example, you are LGBTIQA+, then Mother Church will still feel less than welcoming of you at present.
The Bible, however, does not give us an idealised view of motherhood or family life. Our readings today are from the early days of Moses who led the People of Israel out of Egypt to the Promised Land (Exodus 2: 1-10) and of Jesus who became the Saviour of all people everywhere (Luke 2: 33-35). These are the great heroes of our faith, yet life for their mothers was far from easy and their family lives were complicated and far from the idealised picture found in that Mother's Day poem.
Moses's mother Jochebed had to give him up to an adoptive mother from the regime that oppressed her people in order to save his life. She became his nurse having to hide her true role as his mother. Mary, the mother of Jesus, endured that most terrible of experiences for mother's, of seeing your child die before you. No wonder Simeon spoke of a sword piercing her heart! As one bringing up a child known to have been conceived before her marriage to her husband, she would, no doubt, have lived with considerable opprobrium from those who didn't understand the way in which she had faithfully obeyed God.
So, the Nativity story sets out the unconventional and non-idealised relationships which God chose to use at the beginning of Jesus’ life; a conception outside of marriage, a relationship on the brink of divorce, a foster-father, a birth in cramped and crowded circumstances, an immediate threat to life followed by refugee status. When these are added to the fact that, during his ministry, Jesus called his followers to leave behind their family obligations in order to follow him, said that families would be divided because some would respond to him and others not, while, on one occasion, when told his family were outside, said: "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers? … Whoever does what my Father in heaven wants is my brother, my sister, and my mother", we see that conventional structures for family life were not really a major priority in Jesus’ thinking or praxis. Jesus’ emphasis in his teaching was on his followers as his family, rather than his blood and adoptive relatives, while his death was for the entire family of God - all people everywhere.
What we might now call Mother Church was, therefore, the key family relationship which was at the fore-front of Jesus’ teaching and practice. Within this, he seems less interested in particular structures for our relationships and more interested in those relationships being ones which nurture those who are in relationship, whilst also being open to support others in need through that same relationship. On this basis, it does not really matter whether we are in a nuclear family, single parent family, same-sex family, extended family etc. What matters is the quality of relationships within that family and our openness to others.
So, in seeking to understand what life might have been like for Jochebed and for Mary, we can perhaps see that the Bible celebrates love expressed in the challenges posed by the messiness of real life, rather than presenting us with an ideal from which we will always fall short. As a result, we need to celebrate motherhood in its messy reality rather than an idealised version of it, “understand that many of us are (and have) mothers in the non-biological sense, honour foster parents, affirm unconventional relationships, celebrate same-sex parents, and - sadly - recognise that not all experiences of mothering are positive. If we can do that, then Mothering Sunday becomes a dynamic means of embracing people where they are, rather than a sentimental celebration of unrealistic expectations.” (https://opentable.lgbt/our-blog/2022/3/27/mothering-sunday-mothers-day-ancient-tradition-or-modern-invention).
So, the Nativity story sets out the unconventional and non-idealised relationships which God chose to use at the beginning of Jesus’ life; a conception outside of marriage, a relationship on the brink of divorce, a foster-father, a birth in cramped and crowded circumstances, an immediate threat to life followed by refugee status. When these are added to the fact that, during his ministry, Jesus called his followers to leave behind their family obligations in order to follow him, said that families would be divided because some would respond to him and others not, while, on one occasion, when told his family were outside, said: "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers? … Whoever does what my Father in heaven wants is my brother, my sister, and my mother", we see that conventional structures for family life were not really a major priority in Jesus’ thinking or praxis. Jesus’ emphasis in his teaching was on his followers as his family, rather than his blood and adoptive relatives, while his death was for the entire family of God - all people everywhere.
What we might now call Mother Church was, therefore, the key family relationship which was at the fore-front of Jesus’ teaching and practice. Within this, he seems less interested in particular structures for our relationships and more interested in those relationships being ones which nurture those who are in relationship, whilst also being open to support others in need through that same relationship. On this basis, it does not really matter whether we are in a nuclear family, single parent family, same-sex family, extended family etc. What matters is the quality of relationships within that family and our openness to others.
So, in seeking to understand what life might have been like for Jochebed and for Mary, we can perhaps see that the Bible celebrates love expressed in the challenges posed by the messiness of real life, rather than presenting us with an ideal from which we will always fall short. As a result, we need to celebrate motherhood in its messy reality rather than an idealised version of it, “understand that many of us are (and have) mothers in the non-biological sense, honour foster parents, affirm unconventional relationships, celebrate same-sex parents, and - sadly - recognise that not all experiences of mothering are positive. If we can do that, then Mothering Sunday becomes a dynamic means of embracing people where they are, rather than a sentimental celebration of unrealistic expectations.” (https://opentable.lgbt/our-blog/2022/3/27/mothering-sunday-mothers-day-ancient-tradition-or-modern-invention).
I have seen how losing a son pierces a mother’s heart, as that is what happened to my mum when my younger brother died in a plane crash. My love for and appreciation of my mum grew through seeing her response to sharing the same experience as that of Mary. Some of you have, I know, fostered the children of others, some may have been through the experience of letting your children be fostered or adopted, as was the experience of Jochebed. These are experiences from which we should all seek to learn, seeing them, as was the case for Jochebed and Mary, as being bound up in God’s good purposes for humanity; even, as in their stories, as the seedbed for the greatest acts of liberation in human history.
I end with a sonnet for Mothering Sunday by Malcolm Guite which is a thanksgiving for all parents, especially those who bore the fruitful pain of labour, but, more particularly, in this poem he singles out for praise those heroic single parents who, for whatever reason, have found themselves bearing alone the burdens, and sharing with no-one the joys of their parenthood. As with all those whose care we celebrate today, in their lives God’s kingdom is reflected and Christ shares with them the birth-pangs of that Kingdom.
Mothering Sunday
At last, in spite of all, a recognition,
For those who loved and laboured for so long,
Who brought us, through that labour, to fruition
To flourish in the place where we belong.
A thanks to those who stayed and did the raising,
Who buckled down and did the work of two,
Whom governments have mocked instead of praising,
Who hid their heart-break and still struggled through,
The single mothers forced onto the edge
Whose work the world has overlooked, neglected,
Invisible to wealth and privilege,
But in whose lives the kingdom is reflected.
Now into Christ our mother church we bring them,
Who shares with them the birth-pangs of His Kingdom.
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U2 - Tomorrow.
