Make our scars beautiful like your scars

Here's the sermon I shared at both St Mary Magdalene Great Burstead and St Mary the Virgin Little Burstead this morning:

Jesus said, “Look at my hands and feet; see that it is I myself. Touch me and see …” ( Luke 24. 36b – 48)

During my curacy I knew a lady called Mandy whose arms are a web of scars from having self-harmed for fourteen years from the age of fourteen. At one point she needed 300 internal and external stitches. Her scars, as you can imagine, are so extensive that there is no way she can completely hide or cover them up. Now that she no longer self-harms, she is encouraged and helped by the realisation that Jesus also bears scars on his resurrected body.

When Jesus says to his disciples, “Look at my hands and feet … Touch me and see”, it is the scars (from the nails that were driven into his hands and feet while on the cross and the spear that was thrust into his side) that he is asking his disciples to look at and touch. These scars are part of Christ’s resurrected body.

Why was this important to Mandy? For her this was about identification. She and Jesus are similar because both bear scars. She need not feel different or unusual or excluded because the marks that mark her out as being different from many other people are also borne by Jesus. She feels at one with him, included and accepted by him, because he bears similar marks on his body to those she also bears.

She has expressed it like this: “Having Jesus in my life now has made me look at things in a very different light. You see, to be an anybody, anywhere is to look into the eyes of someone who matters to you and know that they don't care what or who you are, where you have been or what you have achieved. To be an anybody, anywhere is to look into those eyes and know that if you see love there, then you have earned it. Not for being a walking achievement or an interesting case or a social inspiration or a charity case, but just for being you. That is the gift of the Lord Jesus Christ; a loving and understanding heart. Not someone that is looking at what you did, instead he looks at what you will become. I have now found the best friendship and a sense of belonging and the love that I have always longed for. The mask that I had hidden behind for so long has now gone and I am no longer a label but a child of God.”

Roy McCloughry writes that Jesus “has taken up the marks of disability into himself” and that “his body, in showing how he suffered, offers solidarity with all who remain disabled.” Similarly, Nancy Eiesland says, “Resurrection is not about the negation or erasure of our disabled bodies in hopes of perfect images, untouched by physical disability; rather Christ’s resurrection offers hope that our nonconventional, and sometimes difficult, bodies participate fully in the imago Dei …”

In some ways this is a surprising realisation because we tend to think of resurrection as being our entry into whatever we imagine perfection to be; including, perhaps, the thought that supposed imperfections, like our scars, are healed and removed. Reflecting on some of the reasons why Jesus’ risen body shows the scars of his crucifixion may help us to revise our ideas about resurrection.

Scars are about healing. The formation of a scar is a part of the healing process and where they remain on our bodies they are signs that significant healing has taken place. Christ’s resurrection is only achieved by way of the wounds he gained from the crucifixion. He is for us the risen Christ because he was firstly for us the crucified Christ. In a similar way our wounds inevitably form and shape us. We would not be who we are as we now are without having gone through or having endured those wounding experiences.

Jungian therapy suggests that it is only by being willing to face, consciously experience and go through our wounds that we will receive a blessing from them: ‘To go through our wound is to embrace, assent, and say “yes” to the mysteriously painful new place in ourselves where the wound is leading us. Going through our wound, we can allow ourselves to be re-created by the wound. Our wound is not a static entity, but rather a continually unfolding dynamic process that manifests, reveals and incarnates itself through us, which is to say that our wound is teaching us something about ourselves. Going through our wound means realizing we will never again be the same when we get to the other side of this initiatory process. Going through our wound is a genuine death experience, as our old self “dies” in the process, while a new, more expansive and empowered part of ourselves is potentially born’ (http://www.awakeninthedream.com/wordpress/the-wounded-healer-part-1/).

Scars are also about wounds. In Isaiah 53 we read: “Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering … and by his wounds we are healed.” Jesus saves us through his wounds. Jesus took bread, blessed it, broke it and gave it to his disciples at the last supper. Henri Nouwen, who is perhaps best known for applying Jungian thinking on the wounded healer to pastoral ministry, “interprets these acts as symbolising the way in which Jesus was taken by his father, blessed at his baptism, broken on the cross and then given to the world and that the same can be said of people (God’s beloved children according to Nouwen). This means that God reveals to people their chosenness and the blessing of being His beloved children; they are broken by life’s sorrows and the result of their brokenness is to be given to the world as a gift” (Philip Nolte).

That was Mandy’s experience as she shared her story with others and set up support groups which aimed to cut out the pain for those taking part. Mandy’s experience of acceptance in Christ in time led her to a place where she could talk openly about her experiences, particularly if by doing so she could help others cope with their traumas or move beyond the urge to self-harm. Those who are wounded often become wounded healers, with their experience of living with their wounds shaping their ministry to others facing similar experiences and circumstances.

So how could our resurrection lives and bodies not include what is both formative and loving in us, of us and about us? For that to be the case, however, we need to acknowledge that we are all wounded and scarred, to view the wounds we bear as being embraced by Christ, as formative in our lives and as opportunities which create potential in us to minister in future to others. An Easter Day Eucharistic Prayer includes these words, ‘make our scars beautiful like your scars’. May it be so for each one of us. Amen.

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John & Ross Harding - Yesterday Today Forever.

Saturday Solace: Beautiful Scars

Here's the reflection I shared during Saturday Solace at St Andrew's Wickford this morning:

Bible reading:

While they were talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, ‘Peace be with you.’ They were startled and terrified, and thought that they were seeing a ghost. He said to them, ‘Why are you frightened, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet; see that it is I myself. Touch me and see; for a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have.’ And when he had said this, he showed them his hands and his feet. While in their joy they were disbelieving and still wondering, he said to them, ‘Have you anything here to eat?’ They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate in their presence. (Luke 24.36-43)

Meditation: Beautiful scars

When Jesus says to his disciples, “Look at my hands and feet … Touch me and see”, it is the scars from the nails that were driven into his hands and feet while on the cross and the spear that was thrust into his side that he is asking his disciples to look at and touch. These scars are part of Christ’s resurrected body.

Christ’s resurrection is only achieved by way of the wounds he gained from the crucifixion. He is for us the risen Christ because he was firstly for us the crucified Christ. In a similar way our wounds inevitably form and shape us. We would not be who we are as we now are without having gone through or having endured those wounding experiences.

In Isaiah 53 we read: “Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering … and by his wounds we are healed.” Jesus saves us through his wounds. Those who are wounded often become wounded healers, with their experience of living with their wounds shaping their ministry to others facing similar experiences and circumstances.

We are all wounded and scarred, that is reality for all of us, but the marks of our pain can be turned into beautiful scars if we view the wounds we bear as being embraced by Christ, as formative in our lives and as opportunities which create potential in us to minister in future to others.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, who carries on his body the scars of our salvation, make our scars beautiful like your scars. May wounds in our lives, which at one time were signs of harm, become signs of care for others as our experience of living with our wounds comes to shape our ministry to others as wounded healers. We pray for this resurrection experience and ask that what was once harmful and destructive in our life be transformed to become life-giving for us and for others. Amen.

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Merry Clayton - Beautiful Scars.

Beautiful scars

This is the first sermon that I have preached in the 10.00am service at St Martin-in-the-Fields:

Jesus said, “Look at my hands and feet; see that it is I myself. Touch me and see …” (Luke 24. 36 - 49)

I have a friend called Mandy whose arms are a web of scars from having self-harmed for fourteen years from the age of fourteen. At one point she needed 300 internal and external stitches. Her scars, as you can imagine, are so extensive that there is no way she can completely hide or cover them up. Now that she no longer self-harms, she is encouraged and helped by the realisation that Jesus also bears scars on his resurrected body.

When Jesus says to his disciples, “Look at my hands and feet … Touch me and see”, it is the scars (from the nails that were driven into his hands and feet while on the cross and the spear that was thrust into his side) that he is asking his disciples to look at and touch. These scars are part of Christ’s resurrected body.

Why was this important to Mandy? For her this was about identification. She and Jesus are similar because both bear scars. She need not feel different or unusual or excluded because the marks that mark her out as being different from many other people are also borne by Jesus. She feels at one with him, included and accepted by him, because he bears similar marks on his body to those she also bears.

She has expressed it like this: “Having Jesus in my life now has made me look at things in a very different light. You see, to be an anybody, anywhere is to look into the eyes of someone who matters to you and know that they don't care what or who you are, where you have been or what you have achieved. To be an anybody, anywhere is to look into those eyes and know that if you see love there, then you have earned it. Not for being a walking achievement or an interesting case or a social inspiration or a charity case, but just for being you. That is the gift of the Lord Jesus Christ; a loving and understanding heart. Not someone that is looking at what you did, instead he looks at what you will become. I have now found the best friendship and a sense of belonging and the love that I have always longed for. The mask that I had hidden behind for so long has now gone and I am no longer a label but a child of God.”

Roy McCloughry writes that Jesus “has taken up the marks of disability into himself” and that “his body, in showing how he suffered, offers solidarity with all who remain disabled.” Similarly, Nancy Eiesland says, “Resurrection is not about the negation or erasure of our disabled bodies in hopes of perfect images, untouched by physical disability; rather Christ’s resurrection offers hope that our nonconventional, and sometimes difficult, bodies participate fully in the imago Dei …”

In some ways this is a surprising realisation because we tend to think of resurrection as being our entry into whatever we imagine perfection to be; including, perhaps, the thought that supposed imperfections, like our scars, are healed and removed. The kind of state, perhaps, which was described in our reading from Acts where Peter stated that the man who had been healed had been given perfect health (Acts 3. 13 - 21).

That, however, would be to overlook the fact that this man, though healed at that moment, remained, as is each one of us, on a continuum between illness and wellness which will eventually end in his death. His healing did not remove him from the continuum of illness and wellness but simply placed him at a different point on it. That is reality for all of us, we are all on this same continuum whether or not we have some form of diagnosis through the medical profession, or not. The perfect health that Peter spoke about was an experience for that moment; it did not mean that this man would not later become unwell or grow old or at, some stage, die.

This realisation is, I think, of help to us in thinking about the resurrection as it calls into question of our ideas of the resurrection life and of what our resurrected bodies may be like. Reflecting on some of the reasons why Jesus’ risen body shows the scars of his crucifixion may help us to revise our ideas about resurrection.

Scars are about healing. The formation of a scar is a part of the healing process and where they remain on our bodies they are signs that significant healing has taken place. Christ’s resurrection is only achieved by way of the wounds he gained from the crucifixion. He is for us the risen Christ because he was firstly for us the crucified Christ. In a similar way our wounds inevitably form and shape us. We would not be who we are as we now are without having gone through or having endured those wounding experiences.

Jungian therapy suggests that it is only by being willing to face, consciously experience and go through our wounds that we will receive a blessing from them: ‘To go through our wound is to embrace, assent, and say “yes” to the mysteriously painful new place in ourselves where the wound is leading us. Going through our wound, we can allow ourselves to be re-created by the wound. Our wound is not a static entity, but rather a continually unfolding dynamic process that manifests, reveals and incarnates itself through us, which is to say that our wound is teaching us something about ourselves. Going through our wound means realizing we will never again be the same when we get to the other side of this initiatory process. Going through our wound is a genuine death experience, as our old self “dies” in the process, while a new, more expansive and empowered part of ourselves is potentially born’.

Scars are also about wounds. In Isaiah 53 we read: “Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering … and by his wounds we are healed.” Jesus saves us through his wounds. Jesus took bread, blessed it, broke it and gave it to his disciples at the last supper. Henri Nouwen, who is perhaps best known for applying Jungian thinking on the wounded healer to pastoral ministry, “interprets these acts as symbolising the way in which Jesus was taken by his father, blessed at his baptism, broken on the cross and then given to the world and that the same can be said of people (God’s beloved children according to Nouwen). This means that God reveals to people their chosenness and the blessing of being His beloved children; they are broken by life’s sorrows and the result of their brokenness is to be given to the world as a gift” (Philip Nolte).

This was Mandy’s experience as she shared her story with others and set up support groups which aimed to cut out the pain for those taking part. Mandy’s experience of acceptance in Christ in time led her to a place where she can talk openly about her experiences, particularly if by doing so she can help others cope with their traumas or move beyond the urge to self-harm. Those who are wounded often become wounded healers, with their experience of living with their wounds shaping their ministry to others facing similar experiences and circumstances.

Mandy’s wounds at one time were signs of harm but now are signs of care for others. That change seems to me to be a profoundly resurrection experience. What was once harmful and destructive in Mandy’s life has become life-giving for her and others. If that is so, how could our resurrection lives and bodies not include what is both formative and loving in us, of us and about us?

Steven Curtis Chapman and Madonna both have songs entitled ‘Beautiful Scars’ which between them sum up something of what I have been trying to say. Curtis Chapman sings of Jesus:

“Beautiful scars, Your beautiful scars
Reminders of the wounded love
That had carried us this far
Beautiful scars
Turning the marks of our pain
Into beautiful scars …

Our wounded Healer
Suffered to set us free”

Madonna asks:

“Take me with all of my beautiful scars …
I come to you with all my flaws
With all my beautiful scars …

Accept me, although I'm incomplete
My imperfections make me unique”

We are all wounded and scarred, that is reality for all of us, but the marks of our pain can be turned into beautiful scars if we view the wounds we bear as being embraced by Christ, as formative in our lives and as opportunities which create potential in us to minister in future to others. On Easter Day our Eucharistic Prayer included these words, ‘make our scars beautiful like your scars’. May it be so for each one of us. Amen.

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Steven Curtis Chapman - Beautiful Scars.

Boundary Breaker IV

Scar-man, cutting yourself with rocks.
Among the tombs, in the place of death,
screaming among the hills,
breaking chains that bound.
You have the force and voices
of a mob within.
Internal torment visible in skin.
Scar-man, cutting yourself with rocks.

See my hands, my feet, my side.
Nails and spear bit in skin.
Hands, arms, hammers raised
with force to force spiked metal
through flesh to nail sin and death.
The mob without make me
to carry the mob within.
I am scar-man too, one with you.
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This Picture - The Offering.

Self-harm & self-worth

Mandy Stone is a friend of mine from St Margaret’s in Barking. When she was 14 years old, Mandy began to self-harm and continued to do so for 14 years only stopping about 6-7 years ago after she had become a Christian.

Mandy identifies with the man that Jesus healed in Luke 8. 26 - 39 because, in addition to all the other things he is described as doing, when the story is told in Mark’s gospel he is described as wandering among the tombs and through the hills screaming and cutting himself with stones. So, this man appears to be the only reference in the Bible to someone who self-harmed and his situation both before and after his healing has similarities with Mandy’s experience.

Mandy’s foster brother encouraged her to come to Church and to go on an Alpha Course. She did but describes herself as rebelling against Christianity and the Church for about nine months after she had begun to go. Eventually, one night, she felt she had reached rock bottom and, on her own, asked Jesus to come into her life and take over. Since that night she has not self-harmed again, although she has felt the temptation to do so on many occasions, and has set up and run support groups for others who were self-harming that have helped some to stop their self-abuse. In 2007 I had the privilege and joy of taking Mandy’s wedding back at St Margaret’s and she has since been blessed with three children and another on the way.

The man that Jesus healed, who called himself ‘Mob’, had strong, violent urges and would walk in lonely, isolated places linked to death, shouting and screaming and cutting himself. This description of his behaviour and torment has much in common with the way Mandy has described her experience of self-harming. She says:

“When I think back to my self-harming and the way that I would be feeling, it’s like the anxiety of my inner battle was becoming unbearable and I wanted to let something out. The anxiety I felt would have been so easy to give in to but then I would have lost all awareness of my surroundings and myself.

I would cry and look desperately into my eyes, reflected in the mirror, wanting to know the answers to the way out of my mental prison. I began to cut myself in anger and to hate my own body. I was sure that I had feelings but they didn't seem to show. I became very violent towards myself. The world around me was becoming as unforgiving and intolerant as I was to myself. I would lay down after a violent outburst and fall asleep, very drunk.

Sometimes I would wake up in another part of the room, hiding from something in the room which only my sleeping mind had seen. I would get up, have more drink and drugs and cut again to stop the feelings. Then I would lie there in silence until it was light. There was so much silence in my head and everything else seemed a thousand miles away. My energy was gone, I would stare at the ceiling of my bedroom. The silence inside my head was so loud.”

The torment inside the person needs some physical, external expression which for the person who self-harms is achieved by cutting their body. Doing so, actually releases a chemical called Seratonin which, when released, leaves the body feeling calm. As a result, self-harmers like ‘Mob’ and Mandy enter a vicious cycle in which cutting themselves becomes the way to release their pent-up emotions and return to a measure of calm and control.

For both ‘Mob’ and Mandy there was a sudden moment of encounter with Jesus that changed their lives. For ‘Mob’ it may be that, just as he had needed a physical, external release for his anguish through cutting, he needed to see something that symbolised his full and final release in order to believe that he was finally free and that that is what the episode with the pigs provided for him.

Life after that encounter was very different for them. Jesus told ‘Mob’, although he would no longer have called himself that, to go back to his home and tell people there what God had done for him.” Mandy, too, through her support groups and by giving her testimony to a number of different groups has shared her experience of being healed by Jesus with others.

Both, however, carried with them visible reminders of their self-harming. Mandy’s arms are badly scarred and Mob’s would have been too. While change began suddenly for them the rest of lives involved living with the implications both of what they had done to themselves and of the changes that encounter with Jesus had brought into their lives. None of that is easy, particularly as people relive experiences from their past when they talk about them to others. Mandy has been helped by the knowledge that, like her body, Jesus also bears scars on his body. In his case, the scars from the nailprints on his hands and feet and from the spear wound in his side. For her, this means that Jesus understands the pain and emotions that she continues to feel and is an assurance that he is alongside her in those times. Because Jesus’ scars remain on his resurrected body, she knows that she is accepted as she is; scars and memories and all.

As Mandy says:

“Having Jesus in my life now has made me look at things in a very different light. You see, to be an anybody, anywhere is to look into the eyes of someone who matters to you and know that they don't care what or who you are, where you have been or what you have achieved. To be an anybody, anywhere is to look into those eyes and know that if you see love there, then you have earned it. Not for being a walking achievement or an interesting case or a social inspiration or a charity case, but just for being you. That is the gift of the Lord Jesus Christ; A loving and understanding heart. Not someone that is looking at what you did instead he looks at what you will become. I have now found the best friendship and a sense of belonging and the love that I have always longed for. The mask that I had hidden behind for so long has now gone and I am no longer a label but a child of God.”

Many of us will also have experienced trauma and difficulty in our lives, although, for us, that pain may not have been expressed through self-harm. Where those experiences exercise control in some way over our lives today, Jesus wants to bring release and healing as he did for ‘Mob’ and Mandy. Where that release has already come he promises to be alongside us as we cope with the implications of the changes he has brought. In both situations, we need to continually come to him in prayer asking for his healing touch and his words of life.

God of grace, in my rejection I remember the cruel words which all too easily undermine my confidence, the harsh actions which make me feel worthless, the petty complaints which make me feel useless, and the scornful looks which make me feel unloved and unloveable. Help me to know that I am your child, of infinite worth, both loved and lovable. Help me to hear your voice, to accept your forgiveness and love and to forgive and love myself. Amen.

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The Call - You Run.