When I was at St John’s Seven Kings, classes from Newbury Park Primary School visited to use the Easter Activity Stations we prepared. These helped them reflect on the Easter story with one of the stations being on the theme of forgiveness. After thinking about the way in which Jesus said, "Forgive them, Father, for they do not know what they are doing," this Station involved the children asked themselves the following questions:
1. Have you ever been hurt by anybody?
2. Do you need to forgive them?
They then wrote a list of who and what they needed to forgive and stuck this to felt boards by the cross on the altar.
How do we feel about our worst enemy? Is there any member of the family, or anybody at work, against whom we’re nursing anger, bitterness or resentment? It is only as we forgive others can we enter fully into the wonderful experience of God’s forgiveness of us. This is not just a nice idea. It’s a condition for our own forgiveness. Jesus warns us that if we don’t forgive, then we in turn shall not be forgiven (Matthew 18.21-35). This teaching alone, if we take it seriously, will completely change our lives.
In his book, Surprised by Hope, N. T. Wright says, "Forgiveness is a way of life, God’s way of life, God’s way to life; and if you close your heart to forgiveness, why, then you close your heart to forgiveness. That is the point of the terrifying parable in Matthew 18, about the slave who had been forgiven millions but then dragged a colleague into court to settle a debt of a few pence. If you lock up the piano because you don’t want to play to somebody else, how can God play to you? That is why we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” That isn’t a bargain we make with God. It’s a fact of human life. Not to forgive is to shut down a faculty in the innermost person, which happens to be the same faculty that can receive God’s forgiveness.”
Wright notes that Jesus has already taught his followers to pray for forgiveness (6.12), and has specified clearly that if you want forgiveness you've got to be prepared to give it (6.14-15). Now Jesus returns to that same theme. Peter's question and Jesus' answer say it all (verses 21-22). If you're still counting how many times you've forgiven someone, you're not really forgiving them at all, but simply postponing revenge. 'Seventy times seven' is a typical bit of Jesus' teasing. What he means, of course, is 'don't even think about counting, just do it'”
Despite this Desmond Tutu, the founder of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa, writes: "I realise how difficult the process of forgiving truly is. Intellectually, I know my father caused pain because he himself was in pain. Spiritually, I know my faith tells me my father deserves to be forgiven as God forgives us all. But it is still difficult. The traumas we have witnessed or experienced live on in our memories. Even years later they can cause us fresh pain each time we recall them ...”
Then, he goes on to say: “When we are willing to let down our defences and look honestly at our actions, we find there is a great freedom in asking for forgiveness and great strength in admitting the wrong. It is how we free ourselves from our past errors. It is how we are able to move forward into our future, unfettered by the mistakes we have made."
"Forgiveness takes practice, honesty, open-mindedness and a willingness (even if it is a weary willingness) to try. It isn't easy. Perhaps you have already tried to forgive someone and just couldn't do it. Perhaps you have forgiven and the person did not show remorse or change his or her behaviour or own up to his or her offences – and you find yourself unforgiving all over again. It is perfectly normal to want to hurt back when you have been hurt. But hurting back rarely satisfies. We think it will, but it doesn't. If I slap you after you slap me, it does not lessen the sting I feel on my own face, nor does it diminish my sadness over the fact that you have struck me. Retaliation gives, at best, only momentary respite from our pain. The only way to experience healing and peace is to forgive. Which is why to forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. Until we can forgive, we remain locked in our pain and locked out of the possibility of experiencing healing and freedom, locked out of the possibility of being at peace."
Forgiving is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. Those emotions are all part of being human. You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things: the depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger. However, when we talk of forgiveness what we mean is the belief that you can come out the other side a better person. A better person than the one being consumed by anger and hatred. Remaining in that state only locks you in a state of victimhood, making you almost dependent on the perpetrator. If you can find it in yourself to forgive then you are no longer chained to the perpetrator. You can move on, and you can even help the perpetrator to become a better person too.
Gordon Wilson is an example of this happening in practice. Gordon Wilson was the father of Marie Wilson, one of 12 victims of the Enniskillen Remembrance Day Bombing in 1987. The bombing could have provoked a response of anger and revenge; instead, what emerged was an atmosphere of forgiveness and reconciliation because of Gordon Wilson and the way in which he responded to this tragedy in the spirit of Jesus.
A few hours after the bombing, when interviewed by the BBC, he described his last conversation with his daughter, a nurse, as they both lay buried in rubble. He said: "She held my hand tightly, and gripped me as hard as she could. She said, 'Daddy, I love you very much.' Those were her exact words to me, and those were the last words I ever heard her say." To the astonishment of listeners, Wilson went on to add, "But I bear no ill will. I bear no grudge. Dirty sort of talk is not going to bring her back to life. She was a great wee lassie. She loved her profession. She was a pet. She's dead. She's in heaven and we shall meet again. I will pray for these men tonight and every night." Historian Jonathan Bardon recounts that: "No words in more than twenty-five years of violence in Northern Ireland had such a powerful, emotional impact."
Gordon Wilson forgave the terrorists who had killed his daughter. He said that he would pray for them. He also begged that no-one took revenge for Marie's death as that could not bring her back. His response to atrocity of the Enniskillen bombings was in the spirit of Jesus and helped to overcome divisions between Catholic and Protestant, as throughout the rest of his life he worked hard to bring reconciliation between people in Northern Ireland including becoming patron of the Spirit of Enniskillen Trust which worked to encourage dialogue and greater understanding between all social, cultural and religious traditions.
As Desmond Tutu writes: "The simple truth is, we all make mistakes, and we all need forgiveness. There is no magic wand we can wave to go back in time and change what has happened or undo the harm that has been done, but we can do everything in our power to set right what has been made wrong. We can endeavour to make sure the harm never happens again.
There are times when all of us have been thoughtless, selfish or cruel. But no act is unforgivable; no person is beyond redemption. Yet, it is not easy to admit one's wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. "I am sorry" are perhaps the three hardest words to say. We can come up with all manner of justifications to excuse what we have done. When we are willing to let down our defences and look honestly at our actions, we find there is a great freedom in asking for forgiveness and great strength in admitting the wrong. It is how we free ourselves from our past errors. It is how we are able to move forward into our future, unfettered by the mistakes we have made."
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U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday.
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