Life and grief journeys

In the English language we have many words and phrases that use the metaphor of a journey for aspects of our life. When babies are born we say that they have arrived. When we have a big decision in front of us, we say we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. When we are unsure what to do next in our lives we say we are at a crossroads and don’t know which way to go or we might say that our life has no direction and we don’t know where we are heading.

The words and phrases we use suggest that we think of life is being like a journey filled with lessons, hardships, heartaches, joys, celebrations and special moments that will ultimately lead us to our destination in life. The road will not always be smooth and throughout our travels we will be confronted with many situations, some joyful and others filled with heartache. How we react often determines what the rest of our journey through life will be like.

It is the same with grief. We all have stories of grief. We each have our own experiences of life and death, with different memories and different feelings of love, grief and respect. No two grief journeys are exactly the same. Though there are commonalities in losing someone, there are many types of loss. As we said at the beginning of our service we bring before God today those mixed emotions which constitute human grief: numb disbelief and sad bewilderment; the bitterness of anger and the guilt of regret; the deep sense of loss; our helpless and vulnerable feelings when confronted with the fact of our human mortality; and our sense of thanksgiving for the life and work of those we have lost. We are all on a journey through grief.

It might help to think of our journey through life and through grief as a Pilgrimage. Pilgrimages are traditionally journeys to a holy place – places where saints have walked, places where God has met people and blessed them. People through the ages have journeyed with God on pilgrimage – to perform a penance, to ask for healing, to pray for places where there is war or national disaster, to pray for friends. For those who go on Pilgrimage, it is an opportunity to travel lightly, to walk free of daily routines, to meet people, to make friends, to enjoy and celebrate God’s creation. Pilgrimages also provide an opportunity too in the travelling, the conversations and the silences to reflect on the journey of our lives and on our journey homewards to God.

That journey – our journey homewards to God – is one that we undertake in Christ. Jesus is the Way to the Father, as he said to his disciples at the Last Supper. He is the Way - the style - in which we travel as we seek to live out his Way of Love. He is the Way - the direction - of our travel, the one who points us towards abundant eternal life and he is the Way - the road - on which we travel, just like the Prodigal Son we can return home to God the Father because Jesus laid down his life to make that homecoming possible.

Because Jesus has walked the Way before us, so we can now follow in his footsteps. Whatever the terrain of our life-journey, we can walk it in the company of Jesus, so that he becomes our route. Why not resolve to allow him to take over the navigation from this moment on. If you do, from now on, you will be travelling on him, in him and with him.

And the end of our journeying has been memorably described by Archbishop Desmond Tutu when he said:

‘In the end what matters is not how good we are but how good God is. Not how much we love Him but how much He loves us. And God loves us whoever we are, whatever we’ve done or failed to do, whatever we believe or can’t.’

That expression of faith spoken by a man whose whole life has been one of immense pain and suffering and bewilderment is quite wonderful. I believe it offers hope to us all. Think over the promise Jesus has made to us: ‘Look, I am with you always; yes, to the end of time.’ It may help to repeat this from time to time as we let God show us how it affects us and our lives.

Finally, if we are going to walk the Way of Jesus, the Way of Love, then we can’t be solely focussed on ourselves and on our ultimate destination. Instead, we must be aware of and open to others and their needs. As William Blake writes in his poem ‘On Another’s Sorrow’:

Can I see another’s woe,

And not be in sorrow too?

Can I see another’s grief,

And not seek for kind relief?

  

As Blake makes clear in this poem, we can do this because it is what God has already done for us:

Think not thou canst sigh a sigh

And thy maker is not by;

Think not thou canst weep a tear

And thy maker is not near.

O! he gives to us his joy

That our grief he may destroy;

Till our grief is fled and gone

He doth sit by us and moan.

Our experiences of God coming into our grief and distress to bring comfort and restoration can then enable us to comfort others as in another poem; this time entitled A Glass of Water:

Here is a glass of water from my well.

It tastes of rock and root and earth and rain;

It is the best I have, my only spell

And it is cold, and better than champagne.

Perhaps someone will pass this house one day

To drink, and be restored, and go his way,

Someone in dark confusion as I was

When I drank down cold water in a glass,

Drank a transparent health to keep me sane,

After the bitter mood had gone again.

Sarton M, Benson G, Chernaik J, Herbert C (eds) (1995) Poems on the Underground: Cassell, London

As we end this service we will pray for God’s healing hand to rest upon us and his life-giving power to flow into every cell of our bodies and into the depths of our souls, cleansing, purifying, restoring us to wholeness and strength for service in his Kingdom. Then, as a result, we will also pray: Have peace with one another as children of one mother. Let each defer to others and may your hearts be one. Have peace with all around you, sweet love of earth surround you, and may no harm confound you or break the peace within.

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Gungor - God Is Not A White Man.