Grief

Several of us at St John’s have lost loved ones over the Christmas period and that means that all of us at St John’s have been dealing with grief as we have tried to express our support for those who are grieving.

In Romans 8. 18 St Paul makes this very bold statement: “I consider that what we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.”

When we are in the midst of grief a statement like that can easily sound like the false optimism of those who would tell us to snap out of it and get on with the rest of our lives. The loss of a loved one leaves a hole in our lives and among our family or friends that is never completed filled and which cannot be fully understood by others who are not experiencing the grief that we feel.

And yet, the Christian hope is that we and our world will be transformed, that we will participate in the death and resurrection of Christ and live resurrected lives together with Christ in the kingdom of God which is heaven come to earth where there will be no more death, grief, crying or pain because God will wipe all tears from our eyes and the old things will be no more.

When we are grieving or when we are simply living out our lives, that transformation can seem to be no more than a pleasant dream or a piece of wish fulfilment. Yet, like Paul, I believe that we can know it in part now and will experience it in full in future.

The gap between our suffering and the glory that is to be revealed is not as minimal as Paul seems to make it in his bold statement. In between suffering and glory there is the pain and groaning of which he writes in Romans 8. 22-27 but the amazing thing of which he writes is that God’s Spirit groans with us in ways that our words cannot express. God knows grief and shares our grief enabling us to express our grief and through this to achieve the vision of transformation and rebirth into which he longs for us to come.

After my brother Nick died I talked with members of the Tear Fund team who had worked with Nick rebuilding homes in Kosovo. They told me about the effect that Nick had had on the Kosovan people with whom he had worked and also on other members of the team as they had valued his friendship, support and advice. As they talked, the tears flowed; theirs and ours and, I believe, God’s as he was with us at the time enabling us to express our grief. But, as they talked, I also had a growing sense that Nick had gone into God’s presence and had been welcomed with the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” In that moment I glimpsed something of the glory into which Nick had entered and that glimpse continues to sustain and strengthen me in my loss.

My experience of grief suggests that it is as we cry out in our grief that God meets with us. He is alongside us through his Spirit and will speak for us in groans that words cannot express. We should not be afraid of tears, of memories, of stories, they are an expression of the love we feel. But as we share our grief with others we can also catch a glimpse of the glory that waits to be revealed to us and into which our loved ones have entered and that glimpse will sustain us as we deal with grief in our everyday lives.

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Ilse de Lange - I Still Cry.